just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
