I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
