call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
