You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
