he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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