i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize