so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
