I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
