phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
