I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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