This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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