The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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