I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
