I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
