mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
