Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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