i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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