I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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