I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
