Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
