Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
