so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
