I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
