the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
