I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
