I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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