David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
