there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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