paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
People in love make me want to vomit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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