I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
