she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize