I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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