we have pet lesbian snakes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize