Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
