D3 body, D1 cock
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
they need to just BURY HIM!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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