From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
