K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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