im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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