it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
