I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
