Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
