Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
