My friends, they love my intelligence
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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