Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How external is "for external use only"?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just pee around me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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