ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
