I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
