How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize