guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
