Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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