so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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