I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
