why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
