I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
