Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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