At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
