I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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