I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize