look no pants
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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