I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
