i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
