Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
