I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
