I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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