They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
