haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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