don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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