so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
