The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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