tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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