Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think your dad took our porno
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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