I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
