I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
