you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
