Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
