Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
babies were throwing up all over the place
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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