so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
