he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
