My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
