ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
