you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
